yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
