i was born a porn star she said
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
