my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im holly from the hills drunk
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
