So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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