nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
