Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
