Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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