The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
