People in love make me want to vomit
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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