Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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