Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
