I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
