it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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