Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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