I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
