a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
