Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
