My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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