Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize