Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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