sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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