it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
