He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
