She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
