just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
