Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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