What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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