i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
