I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
