it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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