I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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