dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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