i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize