I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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