Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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