Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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