That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
