This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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