i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
