apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
