Welp...herpes.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
