so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
