I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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