Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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