I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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