My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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