remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
