just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
