At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
