she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
