Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
