So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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