Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
