You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
