shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
