I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
