I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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