I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
