Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
