Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
