is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
